How are we to see this restriction? That is the Divine Design of creating sex for the exclusive domain of the martial union of one man and one woman so long as they both shall live. Are we to look at this as a barrier to our fun? Is this the picture of a fence separating a row of wide-eyed 5th-grade boys watching the new roller coaster opening at the amusement park? Or maybe see this as something good and loving, like the guard rale guiding us along a high mountain road, which will bring us enthralling views of creation once we reach the top. One of the most disturbing myths surrounding the Divine and sex is that God is down on the subject. The truth, however, is quite the opposite.

In reality, God created something profoundly beautiful and exciting in sex, and doing life according to His Design brings us into lush green fields of pleasure. When it comes to God and sex, some will argue that because Jesus technically never used the specific verbiage of pre-marital sex, gay marriage, or other hot-button catchphrases of our day, such as trans-gendering, sex can therefore be defined in the eye of the beholder. This argument is particularly voiced in the onslaught of those in the LGBT+ movement’s Pride Month. After all, they might say, “If it feels good, it must be ok,” because Jesus loves us.

No, Jesus did not comment on those specific issues, but he didn’t need to. He clearly defined the root of this discussion by going back to creation when the religious bean counters of his day debated where the fine line was between no-fault divorce and acceptable grounds for marital termination. The answer to their question, and all questions surrounding not only marriage, but all of sex and sexuality, lies in God’s Design of our first parents as male and female becoming one in the flesh. Thus, anything and everything outside of that creation was and is detrimental to our flourishing.

When we examine God’s original Design, we find something challenging for most of us to imagine today. There is something in it more beautiful and exhilarating than anything Hollywood has to offer. At the conclusion of Genesis chapter 2, on somewhat of a side note, we see that “Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.”  It’s that last phrase that gets me. “And they felt no shame.” Could this freedom be restored when considering the profound confusion, cost, and pain in so many of our lives today? If so, how and where do we go from here, especially if we’ve blown it in the past? For a moment, let’s consider some reasons for this reality.

Imagine a future with no pain, baggage, or shame!

 

1. The Problem with Rejecting God’s Design for Sex.

They call it a slippery slope. It’s the principle that one deliberate choice to go in the wrong direction will be quickly followed another until one can no longer control the slide toward eventual destruction. A downward plunge will follow a small, careless step down an icy road in Colorado, stopped only by a catastrophic wreck at the bottom. The phrase has numerous philosophical applications and illustrations.

This phenomenon applies to our reasoning and sexual morality as well. Writing under the direction of the Holy Spirit, the apostle Paul states in Romans chapter one that the further people move away from God, the further they move from rational thinking. The first step down on this road is rejecting the wisdom of God. From there, it goes downhill and sometimes very fast, eventually to a place where people can no longer reason correctly. In situations like this, women and children always suffer the most.

Presently, the rights of women are eroding. One substantial illustration of this is the number of female athletes who sadly leave their sport because they must now, in some cases, compete with males who feel they identify as a woman. For children, there is a litany of costs they receive, some being lifelong. The physical damages are profound, with children taking puberty-blocking drugs and undergoing surgeries to alter their physical bodies. Some states, like Washington, mandate children’s rights to undergo these procedures despite their parents’ objections. Where is the logic in requiring parents to acquiesce to the desire of an emotionally confused child to have sexual transitioning processes before they are old enough to vote, join the military, or purchase alcohol on their own?

I do not doubt that children may wrestle with various emotions. The question is one of finding a healthy and Godly response. Unfortunately, no amount of drug-altering or surgical procedure can cure the confusion and pain in a soul. Giving into those destructive practices and philosophies only prolong the pain and sometimes extends the damage for life.

The nation of Sweden, which has been practicing gender transitioning procedures and surgeries for 30 years, the longest of any country, is now putting the brakes on for minors due to the long lasting adverse effects on children. Scientific experts hidden from the public media, like Paul McHugh of Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine, explain that scientifically, there is no way that transitions are healthy, but are rather damaging. McHugh notes that “Transgendered men do not become women, nor do transgendered women become men. All become feminized men or masculinized women.” Thus, the inner emotional pain is never changed but instead prolonged.

The speed of disregarding God’s design has exploded, and the cost is becoming more significant than many yet comprehend. But what if the confusion and cost could be healed? What if there could be “no shame.”

 

2. The Prize of Accepting God’s Design for Sex.

The author of Hebrews notes that “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.” Many will look at this extreme restriction as something to quell our freedom and pleasure. But it is something of security that allows freedom to enjoy sex in the seclusion and security of a committed marriage. We find throughout scripture that God’s plan for sex was not merely one of pro-creation but pro-fun. Because of the marital bond, there is the freedom to fully let go instead of fearing the other person will leave. God created sex good and even better than many of our wildest dreams.

Even biologically, it is interesting that parts of the female sexual anatomy are filled with pleasure sensors that have nothing to do with giving birth. Unlike females in the animal Kingdom, the human woman’s breasts will remain with her long after her childbearing years, indicating more purpose in the plan than just nursing babies.

But what does the Bible say? Or, more specifically, what did women say who lived by God’s plan? One of the best answers to this query is found in a small book, The Song of Songs, snuggled deep in the Bible shortly after the book of Psalms, where God depicts the beauty, pleasure, and security of a marriage that is enthralled with sexual pleasure.

While some theologians consider the book of Song of Songs to be an allegory, and there is indeed some of that, the clear picture is that of a husband and wife madly in love with each other and experiencing all that God has to offer us in the sexual part of marriage. In this marital drama of bliss, the wife launches out with such enthralling declarations as:

 

“Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth— for your love is more delightful than wine.” -Song of Songs 1:2

“How handsome you are, my beloved! Oh, how charming! And our bed is verdant.” – Song of Songs 1:16

“My beloved is mine, and I am his; he browses among the lilies.” -Song of Songs 2:16

“Awake, north wind, and come south wind! Blow on my garden, that its fragrance may spread everywhere. Let my beloved come into his garden and taste its choice fruits.” -Song of Songs 4:16

“My beloved has gone down to his garden, to the beds of spices, to browse in the gardens, and to gather lilies.” -Song of Songs 6:2

What we see and feel here is anything but boring. Living out God’s Design for sex is beautiful. It also goes without saying that when she speaks about the garden, she is not talking about the tulips planted in her backyard.

 

The husband is no less enthusiastic with such statements as:

“How beautiful you are, my darling! Oh, how beautiful! Your eyes are doves.” -Song of Songs 1:15

“You have stolen my heart, my sister, my bride; you have stolen my heart with one glance of your eyes, with one jewel of your necklace. 10 How delightful is your love, my sister, my bride! How much more pleasing is your love than wine, and the fragrance of your perfume more than any spice! 11 Your lips drop sweetness as the honeycomb, my bride; milk and honey are under your tongue. The fragrance of your garments is like the fragrance of Lebanon.” -Song of Songs 4:9-11

“I have come into my garden, my sister, my bride; I have gathered my myrrh with my spice. I have eaten my honeycomb and my honey; I have drunk my wine and my milk.” -Song of Songs 5:1

“How beautiful your sandaled feet, O prince’s daughter! Your graceful legs are like jewels, the work of an artist’s hands. 2 Your navel is a rounded goblet that never lacks blended wine. Your waist is a mound of wheat encircled by lilies. 3 Your breasts are like two fawns, like twin fawns of a gazelle.” -Song of Songs 7:1-3

Other passages can be found throughout the Song of Songs and other places in the sacred text as well, such as Proverbs 5:18-19 which calls to the husband, “May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. 19 A loving doe, a graceful deer— may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be intoxicated with her love.”

Yes, those are all texts directly out of the Bible. Sex was created to be good, and the highest physical joy is reserved for the highest human commitment of a husband and wife. Indeed, that reads like being “naked, and they felt no shame.” God’s design is cleary way above, just, no shame.

 

3. The Path toward Celebrating God’s Design for Sex.

The apostle John recorded Jesus declaring, “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life and have it to the full.” The life that Jesus speaks of here is not merely eternal life in heaven when our physical bodies expire but a new existence today when we put our faith in Him. This new abiding walk in Christ affects every aspect of our beings, including the sexual side. God being able to restore our sex life and understanding is a profound promise of hope, and here are at least three steps we can take in advancing in this new direction.

 

Confess the Wrong and Accept the Grace

Looking into the mirror is the starting block toward renewal. The healing process begins with our admission that we need God’s grace because of our sins. The apostle John carries this principle further when he teaches that “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” (1 John 1:9). In short, we are to own our sin instead of blaming someone else.

No self-righteous facades will work here. We must honestly and humbly confess our sins. Some of us need to pull the log out of our eyes and acknowledge that while we may not be guilty of some of the high-profile sexual immorality of the day, we more than likely have our drama to deal with. The Apostle Paul rightly notes in Romans 2:1, “You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else, for at whatever point you judge another, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgment do the same things.” Many Christ followers are engaged in culturally acceptable pre-marital sex, which God lovingly prohibits for our good. Another societal sin has been the normalization of pornography, and it is easy to connect the dots here when Jesus observed that “anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”

On the toes of admonition and confession is the reception of God’s grace through Jesus on the Cross. The word is clear that God can and will forgive because of His love. Jesus Christ paid for the payment for our sins in his death on the Cross, burial, and resurrection. History is littered with men and women who walked away from God yet did a U-turn and found God’s grace, love, and healing. Biblically, Samson, David, and the woman at the well quickly come to mind. I have a chapter of this in my life, which can happen to anyone.

 

Commit to the Design

In a world that relegates God’s design to the simpletons and self-righteous, we must stand up for the institution whether we are married or not. In short, we must commit ourselves to what God has created by honoring the commitment, seeking to serve the other spouse, and pursuing growth in this realm.

As noted, the author of Hebrews admonished that “Marriage should be honored by all” and the marriage bed kept purse. At the root level, this is really about the worldview we choose to hold. If we are beautifully created in God’s image, then this determines how we dignify not only the institution of marriage but of sexuality and gender as well.

Therefore, we must commit to waiting until marriage for sex as we know the Designer has created the best Design. We must refuse to joke about husbands and wives, men, and women, which is something our culture thrives on. For the mental health of confused people, we must refuse to play the pronoun games but instead calmly refer to people as God created them to be, as either female or male. Honest communication does not mean we should lower ourselves to being argumentative jerks for Jesus, but instead, we speak the truth in love as the sacred text teaches. We must also choose to pro-actively praise what is good and point those looking for something better in the direction of God’s design.

We must commit to God’s design, and we must serve the other. I watched a video the other day of a woman in her 40s who was recounting numerous reasons why she is glad she divorced her husband of 10 years. There was no infidelity on the husband’s end or abuse from him. Her decision to terminate their union centered around feeling like she had outgrown him. In other words, she was in the relationship for what she would get out of it. And thus, we find so many pains and problems not only in marriage but in sex specifically.

Once in marriage, we learn that, like Jesus, we seek to serve instead of take. Rather than expecting to get our desires met out of marital sex, we commit to giving to the other. Communication is essential for the wife and husband to convey what feels good and what does not. Then out of love, the other spouse responds accordingly. From commitment to service, we strive to grow like in other areas of our journey. Whether from a place of pain or health, we commit to God’s Design by living with the expectation of growth. When we arrive at areas where we need help, we seek it out. The support we seek may be due to profound abuse, which requires highly trained Christian counseling. In addition, our search may instead be an ongoing pursuit to spice things up and keep the marriage moving forward.

In both situations, healing and growth come when we humbly ask ministers for help in finding a solid local counselor. We investigate large para-church ministries like Focus on the Family or Family Life Today. We dive into written resources like Married Sex by Gary Thomas and Debra K Fileta or other teaching platforms such as Hot Holy and Humorous. All these and more point us to the reality that if God is the maker and Designer of sex, the more we pour into His plan, the more significant the joy will be.

 

Celebrate The Divine Design to its Fullest

For some, the idea of God calling us to celebrate sex may feel uncomfortable. These feelings may arise from a legalistic upbringing that has discredited God’s beauty in marital sex. It may also have emerged from the false teaching that only some things in life are spiritual or holy. In other words, we might consider reading the Bible, going to a church gathering, or giving to the poor to be sacred. Then, most of our lives, like going to work and paying the bills, we might consider being secular, work and regular life that has nothing to do with God.

However, the profound thing about God is that He cares about every aspect of our lives, including our marital sex lives. So yes, while it may be hard to comprehend at first, even celebrating infatuating sex with your spouse is just as much of an act of worship as singing with the saints at the corporate gathering on a Sunday morning. James tells us that “every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights.” Paul notes that God “richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment.” Yes, sex is included in these perfect gifts for our enjoyment. Thus, we can and must praise Him for it. On an immediate note, maybe husbands and wives can simply start tonight by reading Song of Songs to each other.

Where are you, and where do you want to head on this journey? Do you need forgiveness and grace and the freedom to start over? Jesus will do that for you. Do you need wisdom in how to live with your spouse in new and profound ways? Yes, Jesus is there for that too. Yes, God’s Design is something to be celebrated. Indeed, that reads like being “naked, and they felt no shame.”