Why June? Monday marks the launch of LGBTQ+ Pride Month in the US. But why June and why the whole month at that? Does it matter? Without a doubt, the countless nuances, emotions, and stories surrounding this discussion would take ages to unpack. What is this challenge to celebrate traditional married sex during June all about? Does such a challenge mean anything, and if so, why? Fundamentally, when we dig deep, we see something in this staggering study about the nature of God and His profound love for us. That God really does have something grand and glorious for us.

Next Monday, I will unpack this mammoth subject at much greater length in the next episode of The Man Identity podcast. But for now, let me lay out five questions to ponder about June Pride Month and why God might have something better in mind for all of us. For those who are already on board for the challenge, I’ve provided below some fun, serious, and very practical ideas for the month.

But for now, consider:

1. Why June?

Before the summer of 1970, June was known exclusively as the Marriage Month, a custom stretching back hundreds, if not thousands, of years. Traditions from the Roman Empire linked weddings to the goddess Juno, associated with feminine vitality and fertility. At the same time, the Greeks championed their deity, Hera, the goddess of love and marriage. Other European histories include the possible practice of bathing less in the Middle Ages and the idea that June is a good time to break down and take the plunge. In agricultural settings, which were pretty much everywhere, the idea was that if the new bride became pregnant right off the wedding night, there would be plenty of time for her to recover after the birth of the happy couple’s first child, so she could again help with the harvest the following fall. Part of it may be the simple reality that there were more flowers in late spring and early summer to decorate the festivities. For Deb and me, it was simply the beginning of summer break before our junior year in college, and we really wanted to get the show on the road. That was 35 years ago on the 2nd of June. Whatever the reason, June has been known, for as long as people can remember, to be a great time to get married.

2. Why the Entire Month of June for LGBTQ+ Celebration?

The origins of Pride Month are traced to June 28th, 1969, when police arrests were made at a gay bar preempted because the owner was operating without a liquor license. What followed became known as the Stonewall Riots, which bled into the first few days of July. The following year, on June 28th, marches were held in a few major US cities with the initial slogan cheered along the way: “Say it clear, say it loud. Gay is good, gay is proud.” In 1999, President Clinton declared June “Gay and Lesbian Pride Month.” A decade later, President Obama expanded the description to “LGBT Pride Month,” followed by President Biden’s further inclusion of LGBTQ+ Pride.

So why June? I mean, most of the riot days in 1969 were in July. Was there a connection with June being the Marriage Month? Consider the progression of LGBTQ+ demands. The original cry was to be left alone to live as they wanted. From there, they sought societal approval of their desired lifestyle. This was quickly followed by a mandate for legal rights. Here, President Clinton tried to walk a fine line on the issue by leading the charge for the Defense of Marriage Act. DOMA, which it was called, granted legal rights for gay and lesbian couples, but still defined marriage as the institution between a man and a woman. Within a short time, the LGBTQ+ community loudly petitioned to redefine the definition of marriage to include gay and lesbian couples. This has never been done in history. Even in the decadence of the Roman Empire, marriage, whether respected or not, was still defined as a union between a man and a woman. So why hijack June? Because the month that has for centuries been a megaphone for traditional marriage stood in opposition to the LGBTQ+ dream. Anything that stood in the way of this dream being realized needed to be conquered. In essence, their battle is not merely with people who disagree with their positions, but with anything and everything that ultimately stands in the way of their need for pride.

3. Why the Emphasis on Pride?

The original root of our present tension began not in 1969 but 10 years earlier, in a fracture in time, known as the Sexual Revolution. The revolution, or revolt, was against God’s design for sex. The goal of independence was to do whatever felt good. Such unchecked thinking spawned a culture of blind acceptance and progressed to a never ending moving sidewalk toward relativity. Feelings were elevated to truth, or rather, they redefined truth.

At the core of Pride month is rebellion against God and God’s design. This has always been the problem in every scenario of rebellion. Pride is what Satan tempted Eve with in the Garden. Pride says, “I can do things better than God.” I’m not talking about the healthy pride of a hard day’s work that I thank God for. Rather, this is the rebellion that says, “I will rejoice in my way over God’s way,” and destruction always, ALWAYS follows that choice. The connection to the original dysfunction is so profound. At the conclusion of Genesis 2, the text tells us that the husband and the wife were both naked, and they felt no shame. It was not until sin entered the picture, following their rebellion, that fear and dysfunction entered their marriage and the surrounding world. First, there was peace, then prideful rebellion, which ultimately led to the pain that still spills out into our world today.

I acknowledge that this can be a complicated issue for some who are truly seeking answers. At the same time, they have struggled with feelings of same sex attraction. I realize how painful this can be for those who have family members living this lifestyle. I have no arguments against the confusion mixed with no easy answers. I will sit quietly as we try to work through the complicated galaxy of emotions without judgment or dismissing their pain. The question I must ask, though, is: how do we negotiate those emotions? More importantly, how do we respond when we are confronted by God’s conviction? Will we allow emotions to control our destiny, or will we rise above feelings, even if it requires getting help along the way?

In short, we have two choices before us. We can either honestly acknowledge our confusion, or own our rebellious mess, confess it, and lay it at God’s feet, or we can try to bury it and hide from it. When we are bombarded with shame, we can either allow God to heal us and reveal our identity, or we can manufacture our own.

One option looks like the life of Dr. Rosaria Butterfield, who, back in 2013, stated about her journey, “As a leftist lesbian professor, I despised Christians. Then I somehow became one.” Today, Rosaria is married to a great man with children and continues to use her powerful academic mind to speak out about the hope found in Christ.

The other option is to attempt to silence the conviction by silencing anything that tells us we might be wrong. The goal of Pride Month is to bring what is not normal about marriage into a place where everyone says it is normal. Thus, the voices of conviction will hopefully be silenced. What was the original slogan being chanted in that first March for Pride again? “Say it clear, say it loud. Gay is good, gay is proud.” The goal is to shout the pride so loudly and for so long that others will buy the lie. They themselves will be able to silence the voice of convictions, even the still small voice of conviction in their own hearts.

Now, full stop – To be clear, even though I’ve front-ended this post with a ton of information and discussion, my goal is not firstly to focus on dismantling LGBTQ+ narratives and doctrines. While there is a place for that and I’ve written about that here and here, the goal here is to turn the spotlight back to the power and beauty of God’s design.

4. So, Why the Divine Design?

Hollywood has lied to us all about sex in displaying that the excitement comes outside of marriage and then goes to marriage to die. Yet, what so many have discovered is that sex, without the commitment of marriage, leaves trails of carnage that cut deep into the soul and produce fruits of destruction to all around and sometimes generations that follow. On the other hand, in the long-term relationship of a committed marriage, where both spouses are dedicated to blessing the other and with intentional love and practice, married sex gets better and better over time.

Additionally, consider the hope and blessing, for generations, of marriage done according to God’s design and sex within that context. People have forgotten that sex was God’s idea in the first place. Sex was declared good by God. There is an entire book in the Old Testament, Song of Songs, that celebrates such. In essence, because all good gifts come from above, even married sex falls into this category of goodness and should be celebrated like everything else. In a deeper sense, sex done God’s way, for the blessing of the other person and for reception with joy, can also flow in the waters of worship when done for God’s glory.

People have rightly stated that Jesus never spoke to Gay Marriage, specifically. However, he did not need to, as he walked the earth in a time and culture when no one asked that question. But he was not silent about God’s design for marriage. On one occasion, the religious experts challenged Jesus on their hairsplitting of divorce laws. He first called them on the carpet and pointed out that their real problem was a hard heart, not a lack of understanding. From there, he dropped the microphone by taking them all the way back to Genesis 1 and 2, and to God’s design for marriage as between one woman and one man for life. The original design was good and without shame. That is where Jesus took the debaters of the day, and that has been my ultimate desire here.

5. So, Why Not?

Why not celebrate Traditional Christian Married Sex this month? I’m sure that Deb and I are not the only ones who tied the knot in June. People are celebrating what they believe is important, so why not shine the light on what is truly good and lasting? Too long have we allowed Hollywood to define what sexual fulfillment is, only to witness its unfulfilled promises. Too long have we stepped around, defensively at times, the beauty of the long-term, committed sexual relationship of a man and a woman in marriage as God designed. Why not celebrate something so worth, well, celebrating?

Before the specific challenges, let me set the stage with a gracious attitude by first suggesting that everyone look in their own mirror and acknowledge that they have not always gotten life right. I haven’t. I was not a virgin when I got married, and I wrestled with guilt and shame for a long time. The peace came when I learned to fully set all my emotions, along with my state of salvation, into the hands of Christ. I am not the perfect husband. But I continue to press into Jesus and build to make the marriage I have committed to the best I can on this side of eternity. For all of us, ultimately, our hope is in the grace of Christ and not, never, in our own self-righteousness. For some, they may have wrestled with same sex attractions themselves. For others, it may have been pornography or premarital sex. Regardless, the aim of the challenge is not to throw rocks at those who disagree, but to shine the light on what God has blessed us with. Yes, we can speak the truth in love without being Jerks for Jesus.

So, (as everyone takes a deep breath), we finally come to the “Official” challenge for June. Together with all takers, to proudly proclaim and celebrate God’s design for married sex from the rooftops. I am not leading a charge to ask the President or Congress to change the declarations of previous administrations about June being LGBTQ+ Pride month. That’s not where the real power is anyway. Rather, I am simply inviting all who desire to give a shout-out to God’s glorious design for married sex. No big fanfare! I’m just asking you to join me in cheering up this mysterious topic in our own little corners of creation, with the hope that those who long for deep, heavenly love will see something almost magical in our walking out God’s design.

Like everything else in this broken world, married sex is an act of love and an art that must be mastered. Simply “waiting for marriage” in and of itself does not promise the greatest ecstasies. We’re all broken, and we all stumble and blow things up. But that’s also part of the point. Jesus came not only to save our souls, but to make all things new – and married sex certainly falls under the “all things” category.

As noted, on the next episode of The Man Identity podcast, I’ll unpack this discussion in more detail. (the video of the podcast is included below) For today’s purposes, I’m just inviting others to join the challenge, and I’ve jotted down a list of 32 options to dive into. They are not in any particular order, and some of them are more complicated than others. Some are short, quick, and fun. Others will require work, but in the end, they will bring lasting transformation to your marriage. You can attempt them all or focus on a few. You can also create your own, and I’d love it if you’d share them. However you choose to move forward, have fun with your spouse and let everyone know how good married sex can be.

So, YES! I’m calling June the “Celebration of Traditional Marriage Sex Month” and inviting you to come along for the fun ride.

Who’s with me?

“Celebration of Traditional Marriage Sex Month”
Starter Points

1. Post a wedding photo of you and your spouse on social media with your wedding date.
2. Deal with your past. Take the plunge to invest in professional counseling if you need to.
3. Read the Song of Songs together as a couple.
4. Talk about your dreams of a perfect vacation.
5. Read, together, a solid marriage sex book. I highly recommend Married Sex by Gary Thomas and Debra Fileta
6. Have that hard discussion about . . .
7. Talk about your financial goals and make some plans.
8. Do a quickie in the middle of the day. Why? Well, um, you’re married, and you can.
9. Honestly, discuss what each of you really enjoys sexually.
10. Emotionally, try to understand the needs and desires of each other.
11. Champion the marriages of your friends.
12. Be honest about the breaks and seek professional counseling.
13. Play some Classic Rock love songs for each other. (I suppose Country Western could be an option as well)
14. Have sex in another room of the house where you’ve never done it before.
15. Do the “Marriage Thing” in the woods or even in your backyard and pretend that you’re Adam and Eve. (This idea came from the Married Sex book above – I ought to get a cut from all those books that are about to get sold now)
16. Work with a little imagination, and together, try to act out, like in a play, one of the chapters of Song of Songs.
17. Do it in the car – front or back seat will work.
18. Husbands, give your Bride a prolonged foot rub that goes nowhere else.
19. Wives, look for and invest in some new lingerie that is both sexy and comfortable. Yes, such a thing really does exist if you look.
20. Take a refresher course in speaking your spouse’s language. Do you really understand them?
21. Learn and use your spouse’s “Love Language.”
22. Have young kids and little cash? Find a couple of similar age in your church and take turns offering childcare for a hot night out.
23. Think back to some tough times and reflect on how God got you through them and how you’ve grown through them.
24. Make a list of 31 things you admire about your spouse.
25. Ask yourself – is there anything you need to own, confess, (be honest), and ask your spouse for forgiveness for?
26. Go out for a small, cheap date, maybe McDonald’s French Fries – but park and kiss for longer than you have in a long time.
27. Make the investment – get away from everyone and everything for a couple of nights in a High End Hotel, in a place, where no one knows either of you.
28. Take turns scheduling something for each Friday night of the month that the other person will love.
29. Send flirty texts to each other throughout the day or do this through WhatsApp.
30. Think about the big picture – how are you living your marriage now that will build a legacy in your children.

Here are two more for a bonus!

31. Come up with a code word or phrase indicating that you “Want to get it on,” which you can use in public. Something that only the two of you will get. (I could tell you ours, but then, well, that wouldn’t go over too well.)
32. Read a Christian book that addresses some of the baggage we bring into marriage. How We Love by Milan Yerkovich is a solid read.

What else would you add?

“Oh, they say when you marry in June, you’re a bride all your life, and the bridegroom who marries in June gets a sweetheart for a wife.”

— lyrics from Seven Brides for Seven Brothers  (Yes, I really watched that with Deb and her sister)